Woman on Cell: So remember the time I almost had that miscarriage?
-Grand Concourse and Fordham Rd
Random lady to pregnant Indian woman: It's a girl. Girls make your ass look huge.
Pregnant Indian Woman: Oh, but it's a boy...I just went to the doctor.
Random lady: Did the doctor see your huge ass?
-Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn
Teen Girl #1: Ugh, I hate that when you get pregnant, you have to get a new belly ring.
Teen Girl #2: Ugh! I know. That's why I'm not getting one yet.
-Bus Stop, Queens
Girl #1: I will kill all of your first-borns!
Girl #2: All of them?
-Megabus, Penn Station
Thirty-something Woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.
-Abortion Clinic, Queens
Employee #1 to customer with a baby: That is the cutest baby I have ever seen!
Employee #2: I think my boyfriend and I would have an ugly baby.
Employee #1, to customer: No. Ugly people usually have the cutest babies.
Law School wannabe girl #1: Maybe I can sell my eggs for,like, $50,000.
Law School wannabe girl #2: But what happens if your kid is out there dating their brother or sister?
Law School wannabe girl #1: That's a good point....there's a chance that would happen.
Law School wannabe girl #2: That's why you need to follow up on your eggs and find them in the real world, and check in on them.
Friend #1: I hope I never have an ugly baby.
Friend #2: Well then don't get pregnant.
African American single mother: And what do they say on Maury?
Three-year old daugher: You are not the father.