Friday, June 18, 2010

City Sound-Bites

Recently Heard in the City

Lady #1, pointing at imitation Cap'n Crunch: Get those, it's the same thing
Lady #2: No, he won't eat those.
Lady #1: Well, then he's an asshole.

--Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are comin

--33rd St & 8th Ave

Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!

--45th St & 8th Ave

Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.

--St. Mark's Place

Bored babysitter: Suzie*, if Jimmy* kicked you in the head, would you cry?

Suzie*, slowly: Yes.

Bored babysitter: Then why did you kick him in the head?

Suzie*: Because I want him to cry.

Bored babysitter: Fair enough.

--85th St & Riverside

ER Dr : What's your boyfriend's last name?
Bimbo: I don't know, but we're friends on Facebook, I could look it up.

--Beth Israel Emergency Room

One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!

--Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?

-Lincoln Center

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

--6 Train


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