Recently Heard in the City
Lady #1, pointing at imitation Cap'n Crunch: Get those, it's the same thing
Lady #2: No, he won't eat those.
Lady #1: Well, then he's an asshole.
--Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are comin
--33rd St & 8th Ave
Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!
--45th St & 8th Ave
Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.
--St. Mark's Place
Bored babysitter: Suzie*, if Jimmy* kicked you in the head, would you cry?
Suzie*, slowly: Yes.
Bored babysitter: Then why did you kick him in the head?
Suzie*: Because I want him to cry.
Bored babysitter: Fair enough.
--85th St & Riverside
ER Dr : What's your boyfriend's last name?
Bimbo: I don't know, but we're friends on Facebook, I could look it up.
--Beth Israel Emergency Room
One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!
--Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?
Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.