Saturday, September 4, 2010

City Sound-Bites

Sex and Drugs Edition

Girl: You're leaving?

Guy: Yeah, I have to go watch the game with my dealer.

--West Village

Med student: I wish you were straight, so I could have sex with you right now.

Flamboyant friend, sighing: I'm not in the mood.

--Columbia University

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

--11th & 3rd Ave

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

--Dining Hall, NYU

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

--East Village

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!


Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida--the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!


Bag lady: I'm not selling ass, just panhandling. It's too cold.

--9th Ave & 25th St

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

--Flushing, Queens

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

--St Mark's & Ave A

Girl selling Obama condoms: Buy Obama condoms, they are cheaper than a baby and easier to push than a stroller.

Mom pushing stroller: You're two years too late.

--44th & 7th

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