Saturday, August 21, 2010

Recently Heard in the City

Student: I feel like I'm drunk. Like when I was six.

--Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem

Tween boy #1: He's such a douche!
Tween boy #2: Yeah, totally!... What is a "douche" anyway?
Tween boy #1: I think it's an old Dutch woman.

--6th Ave & 4th St

Boy #1 leaving pride parade: Where are we gonna go now? I want to get some pasta.
Boy #2, incredulous: You can't have carbs on Gay Pride Day!

--18th & 8th

Angry man on street: Fuck ass the ball! Fuck ass the ball!
Bystander: Did he just say, "fuck ass the ball?"


Girl #1: Michael Jackson is dead? Really?
Girl #2: Yeah, we read it on TMZ. They're usually pretty good about knowing when people are dead.

--The Mill

Woman, seeing Richard Simmons: Oh my god!
Richard Simmons, turning around: Oh my god!! I love you so much!
Woman, walking away: If I had a Twitter account I would so tweet that shit.

--City Hall

Tourist to boyfriend: Why are there so many humans here?

--Times Square

Southern tourist boy: Mommy! Look at the tops of the tall buildings... It looks like the clouds are standing still and the buildings are moving!
Mom: That's because the earth is turning so quickly, sweetie.

--Rockefeller Center

Exasperated mother: C'mon, we're going to be late.
Hyperactive boy: No! We have to wait for daddy!
Exasperated mother: What? Your father's in Philly.
Hyperactive boy: My other daddy!
Exasperated mother: Who, Bob?
Hyperactive Boy: No, Gary!

--1 Train

Swaying hobo with outstretched arms, as it starts to drizzle: I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on you, hoes!

--14th St & University Place


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